I’ve taken a little detour in my life these last few months, more the past year really. Not that I knew it at the time. I was looking at all the shiny shiny out there and getting distracted. Of course along the way I’ve discovered lots of new things, met new people, enjoyed new experiences but ultimately I’ve been avoiding making a decision. Making a decision about what I really want to do with my life – or what I want to use my time on.
If we think of it as time and not as life it seems more urgent. Life, after all, is just a series of moments, seconds, minutes, hours and we never know how many of those moments we have left. So best to fill them with something meaningful while we can. We can put off things until ‘one day’ or ‘some day’ but those options are running out. While we fill them with excuses we are not making the most of them.
When we lose people we love, lose beloved pets, go through huge life changing experiences like moving house, getting divorced or being made redundant it takes time for the ocean to settle, for us to find our equilibrium and decide which way to head toward our destination – or even if we still wish to travel there after all.
I’ve had a hectic week, looking after grandchildren for a lot of it. I’ve enjoyed watching them go about the world, discovering and delighting in new things, new sensations. Elsie and Hadley have moved into their new house, Huxley is well settled in his. There are new schools, new neighbours, new gardens, butterflies and beetles, slugs and snails. Time slips by, one delight after another until it’s time for bed and we can start again afresh.
Today it feels like I’m starting afresh. I’ve got huge piece of paper, some coloured pens and I’m going to work out what I want to do next. I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain these last few years and the view from the top is breathtaking. Time to take stock, set my compass and travel on.